Standing outside the building makes me feel like I'm staring at a sleeping monster

The building looks like any other around. The only difference is the feeling that comes with looking at the large doors. My knuckles grow white as my finger nails dig into the palm of my hand to keep myself from running back to the safety of the Suburban. I glance wearily around at the faces of those closest to me and see their concern. I must look like I’ve seen a ghost. I have in some aspects of the word. Standing outside the building makes me feel like I'm staring at a sleeping monster. One false move could wake the beast from its slumber.

Let the tour begin.

The man in front of us says his name but all I can see is his t-shirt. The slogan reads “bacon is meat candy”, a harmless enough shirt if we weren’t standing outside a university slaughterhouse which happens to be this man’s chosen profession. The man talks about the treatment of the animals. “It’s the most humane way of killing them” I try to tell myself. Even the voice in the back of my head shakes. He brings us around to where they keep the animals. All I see in the currently empty stalls are the faces of those animals that once stood there. I hear their feet walking along the same path that we walk now. They don’t know where they are going, but we do. I feel lightheaded as the man talks about stunning the animal and bleeding it out until there is nothing left. The heavy door opens and we are told to walk inside. My nose is assaulted by the smell of too much bleach and stale metal. It’s too bright, the florescent lights glow and bounce off the stainless steel room, in an unnatural way. The man describes the next steps of butchering the animal, and my mind sees it all. I see the blood pooling and slipping down the drain. The animal died with the last beat of its heart. I feel dizzy, lightheaded and my hands start to shake. Tears spring to my eyes as I try to shake the images from my head. I walk out the same way that we came in, muttering something about needing air to the teacher closest to the door. I feel the sadness and death emanating from the building like an ice cream cone melting in the bright California sun. I can hardly see where I am walking with my vision blurred and obscured by the image of pooling blood.

The rest of the group came out of the deadly building carrying bags of beef jerky and sausage links. I wanted to vomit. How could they? The very thought of eating meat, particularly after that, made me sick. Yet, there they were, eating away as if nothing had happened. We climbed into the Suburban and I pray that I never see that place again.

Looking back I think that, as scary as it was, I’m glad that I went inside. I had been so convinced that I wouldn’t even be able to do that. It took a lot courage to even go. I have never been very good at dealing with the sight of blood. I knew that it would be difficult. At the time it felt worse than it does looking back. The needless mass killing of animals is something that I feel very strongly about. I don’t think that we have to give up meat entirely, but I do think that we, as humans, eat more than our fair and healthy share of animals. Just like with everything moderation is key.